Friday, 6 October 2017

Pointy-eared death match

Having cut their teeth fighting toothy bio constructs, my oldskool Harlequins were eager to find new opponents. Hence they jumped at the chance to fight some oldskool Craftworld Eldar owned by the (in)famous Phil Kelly. After a quick trip to Bugman's, Phil and I lined up what must be a couple of kilos of 25 year-old lead and prepared for carnage!

Phil's boney Ulthwé Eldar in all their glory

Before anyone in dance pyjamas hit the ground, I unloaded my special Harlequin dice. Surely these sparkly blighters would do me proud? 'Course they will, old son...

Deployment was a tasty affair as we were fighting on a 4x4 table. Our respective space pixies eyed one another across mere inches of board. Team Weeping Dawn barely kept their pre-show nerves in check as they huddled behind various defences, whispering like excited schoolgirls.

As the intro music swelled all my performers leaped forward. Some awesome moves were busted, but none more so than by Solitaire Mickie Bluecaps who gave precisely no figs and piled across the board into some Banshees. The girls were momentarily stunned by the sight of the luminous twonk bounding towards them, a veritable stripey nightmare. There was much rending of limbs leaving seven dead but Mickie injured too.


Ultra violence erupted in the centre. Several jumpsuits were soiled in fear as a pack of Striking Scorpions emerged behind the main force, and Swooping Hawks descended from the heavens. "Oh rats" thought the Skyweavers as chainswords entered their exhaust ports. At length, the Troupe Master and Shadowseer figured they needed to get their act together, and took down the Scorpions in a bloody-body-popping heartbeat.

Scorpion Surprise!

Entirely unforeseen Swooping Hawks

Phil's Wraithguard proved that being dead made them largely immune to Harlequin antics, and these crunchy puppets waltzed through and entire Troupe. The Troupe Master figured enough was enough, and charged the assailants. The move was short lived as their D-weaponry sent him on his merry way to meet Slaanesh. "Ah, balls" thought the Shadowseer. And he legged it to try and secure an objective.

Surveying all of this was my Death Jester. He was reduced to sniggers at the sight of the Wrathguard scaling his sniper's nest in ungainly, awkward fashion. Seeing lumbering undead constructs climb is pretty funny, until you realise their implacable nature means there's probably only one outcome. And it's not good for you. Which is what happened.

The last turn was a merry-go-round of slaughter. The remaining Banshees met their end at the hands of the Troupe holding an objective, which served them right. My last Skyweaver had his mind exploded as he attempted to ram raid the Farseer's dress. Which served him right.

This elf-on-elf battle was clearly a well-thought-out affair because it's not like the Eldar are a dying race or anything. All in all it was a close-run thing and I won by one Victory Point. Which was slightly baffling as I thought I had lost. I reiterate my belief that Power Values are the best thing ever, leading to very balanced games. And I think the Best In Show goes to Phil's Wraithguard, who took all the shade my Harles could throw at them. Daaaamn, girl!


  1. Such a lovely looking beat down. Pity that it ended poorly for the Eldar race, but I am sure that the remaining harlies will have a great song and dance performance to put on the next time they perform... but probably not at Ulthwé.