Monday, 5 August 2019

Oldhammer battle report

I dusted off some Oldhammer minis this weekend and packed myself off to BOYL.

As preparation I painted this little fellow to lead my Eldar. He's a conscious attempt to make my collection less dull and grey. There'll be more colourful chaps like him in the future I hope. I dug out a couple of vintage paints too including Warlock Purple and Leviathan Purple which worked wonders on his robe. They really vibrate against his yellow helm so I'm pretty pleased.



Without further ado, here's a light-hearted report of the first battle on the fateful day...

In the morning I faced off against top-hobbyist Sho3box in our long-planned game of 2nd edition 40K. We both brought 'broken' armies. My Eldar are properly bent in that edition. Turns out his Necrons are as well. But while Jes Goodwin's original Eldar sculpts remain stunning miniatures to this day, Sho3 bravely chose to use the clunky first editions of the Necron minis. Back-handed complements like 'charming', 'endearing' and 'characterful' all describe these rivet-laden bad boys. Also 'telephone booths'.

Here's what happened:



My brave and beautiful children of Asuryan arrayed themselves ready for action. The bulk of the force are the Guardian militia. If they ever need to teach enemies how to do breaststroke, repair a broken pot or crochet a scarf, these lads have got it covered.



Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What do you mean Scarabs are Toughness 8???



Sho3 did an incredible job on painting all the terrain including these vintage pieces. We mimicked on of the first Necron battle reports in White Dwarf where players fight over an archaeological dig site. Kind of like Indiana Jones, but with a goofy story involving aliens. I mean, they would never make a movie that god-awful about Indy, right? Right?


My Eldar pranced into action. The Warlock kindly asked the Scorpions if they can stop revving their chainswords for, like, two seconds because he needed to think.



One Guardian squad hung back to ensure no one stole the hot yoga pod the Eldar had seen fit to pack. 'Glad we've got it, but did you also bring the extra ammo?' asked the Warlock? 'No' they replied, 'but we did bring all the essential oils.'


Despite looking (and sounding) like an industrial lawnmower this little rascal buzzed down one of my flanks. My stalwart weapon platform swung into action and slotted this chap good an' proper. The detailed (some might say 'overly detailed') 2nd edition vehicle rules lumbered into action. After half an hour of dice rolling and chart consultation, the result was that the deadly grounds maintenance vehicle exploded and scattered off the table. Ha ha! Take that, lawnmower!


The forward squad of Guardian performed admirably as a meat shield for the Scorpions. Their skills in clock mending, dog grooming and cat neutering will be sadly missed. But more importantly the Scorpions got to cross (chain)swords with the Necron Warriors. At this point Sho3 revealed that Necrons have dastardly rules which diminish the use of any mechanical kit. So my Aspect Warriors were forced to smack the Warriors repeatedly in their stupid faces with the butts of their shuriken pistols. Unsurprisingly this meant the two squads were locked in combat for the rest of the game.


After a nice session in the hot yoga pod, the second Guardian unit ran in to claim the objective. They discovered a Necron cat, called... Nefer-kitty. Groan. Well, she was worth 5 VPs so I took that one on the chin.

My Warlock spent much of the game trying to shake off a bunch of randy Scarabs from his (shapely) legs. No matter how much he swatted them with his Witchblade, they just kept coming at him. It was like a nightmarish version of Whack-a-Mole. Later he used the essential oils on his scratches, but didn't admit this to the Guardians in case they 'told him so'.





In the denouement of the game (AKA Turn 4), three cheeky Spiders materialised next to the Necron Lord to 'stick it up 'im' with their death spinners. Above you can see a photo of Sho3 after he managed to dodge or save his Lord from all three attacks. What I don't have a photo of is Sho3's expression a moment later, when my trusty Lascannon platform successfully unloaded into the Lord's face, melting his head and reducing him to a twitching pile of slag. Ha ha ha ha!

Turns out I won. Nefer-kitty was taken back to the Eldar camp where she acted like she owned the place, turned her nose up at all the food offered to her and, every time they tried to take her photo she would turn around and raise her tail giving them a fine view of her...


Sho3 was an excellent opponent and really pulled out the stops with the terrain. I'm sure we'll face off again. I just hope he can find more hilarious miniatures next time. In a subsequent (possibly next) post I'll do a report on an epic Space Hulk battle on what must be one of the best boards ever seen.

25 comments:

  1. I'm going to this highly biased, factually questionable account of this game slide, purely because it was good fun :)

    We must start planning some other games. I have been thinking about Necron Tomb Raid rules, maybe an elite Aspect Warrior black ops thing.

    And Necron Lord Cyril Alt-Delete wants his cat back... or else.

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    1. Cyril "Sn33r" Alt-Delete to give him his full name.

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  2. A most entertaining battle report and a cracking force of Eldar.

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  3. A very entertaing battle report Tammy! 😄👍 I do hope to join BOYL sometime, my WHFB Chaos army would fit right in. It sure looks like you had a good time! 😄👍

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    1. Yes, get down here Kristian - it's good fun!

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  4. Excellent write-up, and Models, even it is giving me some rather nasty flashbacks to my Alpha Legion getting repeatedly shredded by my brother's Eldar and our friend Matt's Necrons back in 2nd ;)

    Also, to mis-quote one of the best sass-offs ever:
    "Necrons have no concept of elegance."
    "This is obvious."

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    1. Poor Alpha Legions. Traitors have it so hard. ;-)

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  5. Sounds like a great game. Plus you won, so really could it be any better?

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  6. An excellent battle report and some extremely old-school models! I was sorry not to make it to BOYL. It looks like a great event.

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  7. Funny write up of the game Tammy :D looks like you guys had a great time.

    Aldo, thanks for taking the time to chat with me about gaming stuff too. It was very nice meeting you :)

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    1. Great to meet you in person Papa and good to chat! See you next year I hope?

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  8. Top report! I looking forward to read your SH report.
    I discover your blog :) I follow it now :)
    Cheers! Nico.

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  9. I chuckled a fair bit reading that, great stuff. I only got a quick look at this game as ye were setting up. Everything looks lush. If I'd known Cheetor was taking such a pounding I'd have lurked about a bit more.

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    1. Thank you Saturday and hope you had a jolly time.

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  10. Excellent batrep of a great looking game. When I looked in cheetor was gloating about the effectiveness of his scarabs. Good to see you made him regret that!!

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    1. Thank you Axiom and yeah, Ch33tor came to rue his ungentlemanly mocking. :-)

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  11. I know from good source Sho3box is now crying tears of oil and waving an angry iron fist in the air as he keeps saying +++I WILL COME BACK+++ like in the worst knock off movies.

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  12. Fantastic write up; I laughed out loud several times. 2nd ed is of course the best ed, the more broken the armies the more fun. Having said I distinctly remember Necrons having some very questionable and extremely annoying rules so Mr Sho3box must have been charming to get away with using them!

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